you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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