dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
