OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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