My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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