Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
