my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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