Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
