So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize