meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is Oprah even human
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
