I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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