9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
