i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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