just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
