Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
