If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
