He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
smell my finger.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize