Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
