I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
