Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
