Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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