May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
