Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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