how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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