he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
