dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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