Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
