and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
