my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize