It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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