my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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