Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
