I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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