I'm jealous of your bromance
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
