Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
