the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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