I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
