school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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