hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
