The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
