he puts the penis in happiness.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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