he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
