I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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