no, he came in my armpit
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
