And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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