it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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