I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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