the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
