How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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