Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
