i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
