Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
