Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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