This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize