My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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