Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
