I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
