She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize