I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
