Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
