I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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