Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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