So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
