We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
where does the pee come out of this thing
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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