I want to make a zoo with you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
