You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
